1. Recently, while quite intoxicated, I found myself walking down a hallway. I came across a yellow sign in the middle of the hallway that read “WET FLOOR.” So I did.
2. Is there such things as a non-tragic skydiving accident?
3. Sometimes I think the blind people I see walking the streets with their sticks are fucking with everyone.
4. Techno music is what I imagine batteries sound like when they are having sex.
5. Two for one lasik eye surgery coupons frighten me.
6. If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
7. I do not like the phrase “Sunday Funday.” It usually includes activities that will make for a Miserable Monday.
8. The 17 pages after the first page of my cell phone bill are completely unnecessary.
9. I hate Rock Band almost as much as I hate Rock Band 2.
10. Working with people near my dad’s age is something I will never be able to properly adjust to.
11. Once you’ve graduate college and have worked in the real world for a few years, you realize your college GPA doesn’t mean shit to anyone other than your parents.
12. Why don’t dogs have belly buttons?
13. The catalog “Design With Reach” has a very misleading name.
14. Matthew McConaughey has a brother named Rooster. Rooster named his son Miller Lyte. I have no additional comments on the matter.
15. No one will ever believe you when you say “I’m working from home today.”
16. This whole “emoticon” thing in business emails is getting out of hand.
17. You will read the words “Britney Spears” at least 13 times from when you enter the check out line until you leave it.
18. That packet of coupons in the mail never comes at a time when you actually need any of them.
19. When I see a flock of seagulls circling, I take cover. I've been shit on by a bird before.
20. Good for you Michael Phelps.
21. Crazy people are all around us.
22. I like Chinet’s philosophy of using excessive amounts of tree in their products.
23. I still use my college ID to get the student discount at the movie theatre. I’ve been out of college for nearly four years now.
24. All celebrities are short.
25. I did it.
